Shirley Stott Despoja with daughter, Senator Natasha Stott Despoja

Shirley Stott Despoja:

Shirley Stott Despoja was born in Sydney and educated at St. George Girls High School, Kogarah, and the University of Sydney where she read Philosophy and English. Her first job in journalism was on The Anglican, Sydney, where she was sometimes introduced to bishops as "the young atheist on our staff," by the charismatic Francis James, then managing director. A two-year stint  followed on The Canberra Times, then a  country-town-with-a-difference tabloid. She joined The Advertiser in  Adelaide at the beginning of the 60s, as a general reporter: a rarity in those days when women were confined to the "social"  and cooking pages. Her long career there included leader  (editorial) and feature writing, two periods as literary editor, being the paper's first arts editor and - the work she relished most - personal columnist. Her column Saturday Serve was controversial, upfront feminist, literary and popular. The Man Who Is Glad He Is Not Married to Me was a constant, but very real life character in it. She was ahead of other mainstream newspapers in the 60s, 70s and 80s in pursuing "difficult" subjects such as criminal assault in the home, maintenance evaders, supervised access, child abuse and incest and equality for women.  Her daughter Natasha was born in Adelaide in 1969 (on unpaid maternity leave) and her son, Luke, in Canberra in 1973.

Her career  at The Advertiser ended in a successful claim for compensation after a violent incident in the workplace and discrimination.

She is free now to write as she pleases (she is one of the longest serving dance critics in Australia), mainly for The Adelaide Review and publications supporting the hearing impaired, and to paint in watercolour and  enjoy the gloriously varied ideas marketplace: the WWW.

Her website is:  http://sites.netscape.net/hearhears/homepage

Her email address is: honeylog@senet.com.au

You can access Shirley Stott Despoja's paper, "Bullying and Deafness" in the November Issue of the Leading Issues Journal. Shirley presented this paper at the Bullying Conference which was held in Hobart in October 2000.

Interview with Shirley Stott Despoja:  

1. As Natasha's mother, how would you describe your relationship to Natasha?

How would I describe my relationship to Natasha? It’s a mother-daughter relationship in the best tradition. We like each other, we are friends, we feel protective towards each other and support each other. She sometimes gets narky if I tell her to take a cardy on a cold night, but mothers are allowed to say that.

2. Do you consider yourself to be her mentor? How do you mentor her?

      I am not sure I would use the word mentor. I felt I needed as a feminist to let Natasha know what we were up against in a patriarchal society, and I have always tried to do something about the things I don’t like. It’s OK to complain, but you must do something about whatever you’re complaining about, otherwise you are a bore and a victim. Social justice is our shared aim. I recognized when she was still quite young that we would probably have different ways of pursuing the same ends.

3. Does Natasha’s relationship with you influence you in any way?

      I want Natasha’s good opinion more than anyone’s. It’s a pain in the neck to want approval from your offspring, but I do.  I want my son to approve of me, too, but I guess I’ll never catch a trout with a fly or be as “cool” about life as he is. He thinks we are both too serious.

4. What do you feel a mother has to focus on in order to encourage and develop her children’s  leadership potential?

      Developing leadership potential…I sometimes think it is in the genes. Certainly Natasha showed at an early age a concern for others and an ability to put aside her own comfort for the sake of others, but I don’t think I influenced that. I wish. But I gave my kids lots of chances to make decisions. I encouraged Natasha to go overseas when she was still in her early teens and it was after her first trip – with a choir – that people began to speak to me of her leadership qualities. Leadership is about ideas, too: being able to communicate them clearly and convincingly. I hope I had a bit of influence there, at least.

  5. Did you consider yourself a leader  when  you were a daily newspaper journalist, and do you see yourself as a leader today?

      Can a rebel lead? Is a “difficult woman” a leader? I don’t really feel that a lot of people fell in behind me, which is the usual image of a leader. But I believe I led some people to think about ideas that were new to them. I was never tactful. I sometimes hacked through the undergrowth of outmoded ideas and challenged some people around me. I was terribly unafraid of authority, to my cost, I suppose, but I reckon it was worth it.  These days, in my 60s, happily retired, I want to lead people to a better understanding of deafness: the most common disability, including the deafies themselves.

  6. What difficulties have you encountered managing your career and raising your children?

      What difficulties? I encountered all of them. Initially (late 60s,early 70s)  hatred because I returned to work when my child was a few months’ old. I had a nanny (affordable then) but that didn’t stop people saying to my face that I’d abandoned my child and that she would grow up a delinquent. Childcare became increasingly difficult on a single income; the anti-female prejudice in the workplace was overt (patronizing at first, vicious later on). Glass ceiling? Solid rock more like. If one of the kids or I had been sick for any length of time, our whole house of cards would have collapsed. Not having any extended family able to help me was the hardest thing. I was once pulled over for some minor traffic infringement by a cop. When I told him I was picking up my son from his childcare, he told me I ought not to be at work but home all the time with my  children or I didn’t deserve them. I remember the humiliation I felt – and then the anger. Bastard. But stupid me for letting him make me feel, even for a second, guilt.

  7. What changes would you like to see in today’s society, the government and the corporate world, to assist women develop and assert their individuality?

      Changes in men’s attitudes from seeing women as inferior which they very often still do, although the evidence to the contrary, even evidence of many, many women’s superiority is everywhere. Judge Mary Gaudron was absolutely right. The other important thing is for women to support each other and not just talk about it, boast about it, lie about it. Some women relish too much that they are the only woman at the committee table or the only female director. Your job, sister, is to make damned sure that other women join you soon, like now.

8. Do you think leadership is an inherited quality?

I think leadership develops very very early in children, but is not always recognized. I am not too sure about a leadership gene. But I do believe there is a “difficult woman” gene. I come from a long line of women categorized as “difficult”. You and I know that that means they are bright, brave and not in the business of appeasing men.

9. Do men make better leaders than women or vice versa?

Women have shown again and again that they have great leadership qualities. The fact that men resist this shows that they are willing to ignore the great contribution of half the human  race. I don’t call that leadership. Happily there have been a few exceptions and some, very few men, know that women are leaders given half a chance. For men to be leaders, they need a whole chance!

10. What advice would you give to women who are mothers, presently raising their children and considering returning to workforce with a renewed sense of self?

Advice I am not good at. I don’t think I have done as well as I might in this life. About being career women as  well as mothers though, I would say you can’t have everything:  so let the house clean itself and opt for easy meals. Make sure your kids grow up with companion animals. It teaches them kindness and softness. Try to snatch a bit of time for yourself. I never did, but you should: a massage, a holiday sometimes. And if you have a partner, insist on sharing the chores equally or you’re better off on your own.