They're Playing Your Song
When a woman in a certain African tribe knows she is pregnant, she goes out
into the wilderness with a few friends and together the pray and chant and
meditate until they hear the song of the unborn child. They recognize that every
soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and purpose. When
the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. Then they return to the
tribe and teach it to everyone there. When the child is born, the community
gathers and sings the child's song to him or her. Later, when the child enters
education, the village gathers and chants the child's song. When the child
passes through the initiation into adulthood, the people again come together and
sing their song. At the time of marriage, the person again hears her or his
song. Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and
friends gather at the persons bed, just as they did at their birth and they sing
the person into the next life.
When I have shared this story in my lectures, a fair amount of people in the
audience are moved to tears. There is something inside each of us that knows we
have a song and we wish those we love would recognize it and support us to sing
it. In some of my seminars, I ask people to verbalize to a partner the one
phrase they wish their parents had said to them as a child. Then the partner
lovingly whispers it in their ear. This exercise goes very deep, and many
significant insights start to click. How we all long to be loved, acknowledged
and accepted for who we are!
In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing
to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime
or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village
and the people in the community form a circle around them and sing them their
song. The tribe recognizes that the correction for the antisocial behavior is
not punishment. It is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize
your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would harm
another.
A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have
forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or
dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel
ugly, your wholeness when you are broken, your innocence when you feel guilty,
and your purpose when you are confused.
One summer when I was a teenager I went to visit my cousin and her family in
Wilmington Delaware. One afternoon she took me to the community pool, where I
met a man who changed my life. Mr. Simmons talked to me for about ten minutes.
It wasn't what he told me that affected me so deeply, it was how he listened to
me. He asked me questions about my life, my feelings and my interests. The
unusual thing about Mr. Simmons is that he paid attention to my answers.
Although I had family, friends, and teachers, that man was the only person in
the world who seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say and valued me for
who I was.
After our brief conversation I never saw him again. I probably never will. I'm
sure he had no idea that he gave me the gift of a lifetime. Maybe he was one of
those angels who show up for a brief mission on earth, to give someone faith,
confidence, and hope when they most need it.
If you do not give your song a voice, you will feel lost, alone, and confused.
If you express it, you will come to life. I have also done workshop exercises in
which everyone in the room is given a piece of paper with the name of a simple
song on it, such as "Mary had a Little Lamb", of "Twinkle,
Twinkle, Little Star" In the whole group there are perhaps eight different
songs, and a half dozen people have the same song named on their paper. Each
person is then asked to mill around the room while they whistle or hum their
song. When they find someone else playing the same song, they stay together
until they find everyone who is singing that song. Thus they create small groups
that serve as foundations for the duration of the program. Life is very much
like this exercise: we attract people on a similar wavelength so we can support
each other to sing aloud. Sometimes we attract people who challenge us by
telling us that we cannot or should not sing in public. Yet these people help us
too, for they stimulate us to find greater courage to sing it!
So find ways to let your life remind you when you are in tune with yourself and
when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and
when you feel awful, it doesn't. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and
sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the
great singers! Just keep singing and you'll find your way home!
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